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Happiness

by Dave Smallen

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1.
Happiness 04:44
I wish that I could show you all I've seen, I've been well educated in sadness, I've learned all I need, and I've felt the tug of fame, I've been soft spoken, I've watched the hills all burning down, I've felt the fear split wide open, and I used to watch the sun set on the bay in the vivid colors of depression, in the light of fading day, and I tried so goddamned hard to be satisfied with what filled my eyes I didn't want to live a long life, if you understand, you only feel what you feel, it's so impossible to plan to live a long life when the whole world holds you down, when every hope casts a shadow of doubt, I didn't want to live a long life, but I"ll do my best in any moment to get a little happiness, cause you get what you get, I guess So I make a worry and I pick it til it bleeds, I carry it with me as I'm driving down those cracked and busted streets, where the kids standing on the corner smoking have all been locked up, all been knocked up, grown up hard in East Oakland and I know to them that my life must seem tame, but everybody's heaviest worry, it still weighs the same and I feel the tension rise as I pass by, you can see it in their eyes They don't expect to live a long life and hey I understand, you only see what you see it's so impossible to plan to live a long life when the whole world holds you down, when every hope casts a shadow of doubt, they don't expect to live a long life and me I do my best, in any moment, to get a little happiness, cause you get what you get, I guess With all that said I can always say some more, I feel you busting off the hinges on this long locked up door and the stakes have never ever felt so high, I want to factor you into my dreams, I want you to build me in your life, I want to know you got my back through anything, but you gotta be patient, baby, this is all new to me and I'm scared though you know I wouldn't lie, look into my eyes You make me want to live a long life if it's by your side, I want to know you want it too, I want nothing to hide, to live a long life, well that's the hope, but the future isn't yours or mine to know, you make me want to live a long life, and I'll do my best, in any moment, to give you a little happiness, but you get who you get, I guess
2.
You might think that we were married By the silence in the room I'm feeling tired, it's been a long day It's been a long year I know you're stressed, I'm stressed out too And there's something you could say to me That's gonna stop this feeling There's something you could say to me That's gonna make it easy again There's something you could say to me That's gonna get me talking There's something you could say to me And there's something you could say And so I get a cup of coffee I walk into the afternoon I watch the arc and swing of a wrecking ball Raze a building It makes me think of me and you But that's not what I want to do And there's something I could say to you That's gonna stop this feeling There's something I could say to you That's gonna make you happy again There's something I could say to you That's gonna get you talking There's something I could say to you And there's something I could say Every time we fight we're stronger for the pain And I know how far I searched before I saw your face I just wish for once somehow I could explain Why I feel this way, today There's something you could say to me That's gonna stop this feeling There's something you could say to me That's gonna make us happy again There's something you could say to me That's gonna get us talking There's something you could say to me And there's something you could say
3.
It's 4am And I'm rising out of bed I take her suitcases to the car Defrost the windshield in the dark And there's not a flake of sun As I'm driving down the 101 She leans her head over onto me She says baby I don't want to leave You know something feels wrong It's just a couple weeks, won't be that long Still I miss you before I'm gone I start to miss you before I'm gone And as I drive away As the sun rises above the bay I'm drifting off in the highway sounds Thinking back to some Midwestern town Where I'm stepping off the stage And couple kids come up to me and say This place could burn there's nothing I would miss What you doing in a place like this? You know I always sing your songs I've seen you once or twice it's been so long Still I miss you before you're gone I start to miss you before you're gone And I say oh well I was close I had a deal once I had my dose But money comes and it fucks things up Don't really like to talk about it much But no matter where I play When the crowd's hanging onto all I say I miss that feeling before it's gone I miss that feeling before it's gone And you start to notice things Amid the crumbling of your dreams The way the sunlight hits the leaves The way she whispers as she falls asleep When she says I love you too Man those things everyone's entitled to Don't want to miss them before I'm gone Don't want to miss them before I'm gone As I drive away As her plane rises above the bay I hope she's looking down over me Resting quiet in a window seat You know something feels wrong It's just a couple weeks won't be that long Still I missed her 'fore she was gone I start to miss her before she's gone
4.
I saw my old friend the other day He got a new job, he's getting paid Working hard from the morning light Coming home down and tired of life So we got some whiskey at the corner store Sat there drinking on his front porch He said man you're always good to make me laugh Why you sell yourself so serious? And I said I don't know Sometimes I'm not sure why we do anything at all But you gotta do a little for yourself And all of your hard luck, they may never see All of your dreams and all your victories All your explaining, they may never understand I got your letters and I read them well I'm just happy knowing I could help I don't know you but I know what you mean Yeah I could picture everything You were singing my songs in the dead of night In your mother's attic under moth filled lights In those teenage years when every feeling cuts Down to the marrow And you can't listen to them Even though it's the old cliches that wind up right in the end But you gotta figure all of that for yourself And all of your hard luck, they may never see All of your dreams and all your victories All your explaining, they may never understand So take all that feeling and put it in a song Sing it to me until it's all gone And maybe they don't need to understand There were times when I could take it slow There were times when I could take a joke There were times I could've fooled myself There were times I could've killed myself And it always seemed the things I got Were eclipsed by the things I'm not I got paid and I found success Is measured in happiness
5.
The Rain 04:17
My dad sold his car in 1972 Yeah he thought that he was headed to Vietnam But the sores on his hands and his eyes got him the pardon And he walked out clear, instead he met my mom And I was brought up among the files In sleepless seasons and murder trials Yeah I learned to live a good life you gotta shoulder some pain But it's raining tonight, yeah it's raining tonight, And man I love to hear it rain My friend and me stayed up and talked about his addiction Thirty sober days and the pain in his legs wont stop He said it feels so damn good to get my hands back on some ambition I would've been famous now had I not burned those years right off And I said, Some rich men take their own lives And some blind men take a beautiful wife If you're working hard you know you got a right to complain But it's raining tonight, my friend it's raining tonight And man I love to hear it rain I love to hear it rain I love to hear the rain I love to hear that old soft sound just washing away the day I spent some time in Hollywood, I spent all my money So I came back up to stay at my parent's house You know I only ever struggle with the things that I don't know I'm gonna spend my whole life trying to figure all that out And I've always felt just a little strange A little bit too old for my face You know sometimes I get the feeling I'll be first to the grave But it's raining tonight, yeah it's raining tonight And man I love to hear it rain
6.
Been In Love 04:21
At first I must admit I wasn't looking for nothing When I stepped into the crowd all the colors started running But I take a chance when it comes to me And through the blur, yeah there you were And for a moment I was 16, aching as always For a girl collecting light far down a crowded hallway If I knew back then what I know now, I wouldn't have even tried Cause now I've looked into your eyes I've been in love so many times, it never gets easier I make mistakes, I never seem to learn Hey you, don't you go and make me hurt I can be sure as hell you're not interested in hearing About the road I walked before, I wish I could strike it clear But I will spare you the dirt and gravel strewn about my past And I'll suffice it just to tell you that All the regrets I've ever had, all the mistakes I've ever made Well they all just disappeared the moment I looked into your face You know I wouldn't change a minute that led up to now As long as you don't shoot me down, don't shoot me down I've been in love, so many times it never gets easier I make mistakes, I never seem to learn Hey you, don't you go and make me hurt No you understand, when I hold you in my shaking hands When we're singing along to a 1990s band Hey you, no one's gonna ruin our plans When I was young, I had this dream There was this girl always next to me I knew her heartbeat, her hands But every time I tried to see her face She'd turn away But it was love I knew that it was you right when the night got cold You pressed your body into mine, all your heart all your soul I found your fingers in the darkness and everything was still All the pain was killed, all the blood was spilled
7.
I tried to save them But no one seemed to care I've been robbed by men in need I've been robbed by millionaires And I earned my anger Always playing dumb and meek Always turning the other cheek Til I was beat up Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Sometimes they help you to your feet Just to kick you down again, yeah Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Sometimes it takes a lot more pain I get nostalgic Every time I hear that song For a past that isn't mine And a chance that's long gone You wake up on that big stage And you don't feel like a star It's just sad girls in bars That wont stop talking Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Sometimes you gotta bloody your knuckles To get out of the fight you're in, yeah Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Sometimes it takes a lot more pain And late at night The wind rushes through her bones I hold her tight, pile blankets but she's still cold I say, The future's gonna barge right in with Demands we can't foresee Ah but our love is strong so we don't Always have to be, baby Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Yeah nobody falls in love You gotta climb it day by day, yeah Sometimes the right cure takes a little more pain Sometimes it takes a lot more Sometimes it takes a whole lot more Sometimes it takes a little, More pain
8.
From down in the mine, to the statues on high The names that they leave lose their meaning with time The hands they'd shake and the hands that they'd bind All are hands like yours and mine And the chains we're still dragging, the broken branches of family That hang neath the shadows of the ones we love madly Each generation leaves the next to overcome The failed promise of the things they've done And the fathers of our fathers May their anger be buried with their bones And the daughters of our daughters They need not know And I know there were times you felt on the outside Hearing the rush of the freeway through your window at night Well baby I got my own road that divides The line I walk with the bed I lie And no matter what you do to me you got nothing to prove to me I'll love you in the judgement of the morning light, you should see I'm gonna love you when the money's all gone In the black of night, in the blue of dawn And the fathers of our fathers May their anger be buried with their bones And the daughters of our daughters They need not know We got work to do This ain't easy for me and you This ain't easy for anyone Never met no one whose work was done The fathers of our fathers lifted in steel, frozen in stone And the bodies that lie neath the dawn's early light Stay unknown Yeah the fathers of our fathers May their anger be buried with their bones And the daughters of our lovely daughters They need not know
9.
Good Man 03:59
It's late, it's too late to call I probably wouldn't anyways, I hardly ever call Unless somethings going wrong Right now I'm just thinking I know you worry, but I'm coming back Never wanted to be tough but this life has made me like that Whatever it takes to float I'm not sinking I got a girl now And she says I'm a good man And I believe her I think I am Still trying to make it, but the goals always change Some have lost their faith in me and some they still remain I was never cool But I got something to say And Richard Manuel, Nick Drake, Kurt Cobain I know you've seen me make that choice I don't want to make it again I want to be happy I want you to know you raised me the right way I got a girl now And she pays mind to how tall I stand And she believes in me She says be patient, you know you can I got a girl now And she says I'm a good man And I believe her I think I am And no one's an angel, I heard someone say When your wrong is my right And it just takes a little effort to push someone away But to hold her you gotta hold tight Yeah you gotta make time You gotta lay something on the line Sometimes Remember that kid That used to work for me He tried to pull one over it was hard on the whole family I felt no remorse, when I'd start him crying Yeah I've been cruel, at times I've lost control At first you're just talking then it builds up then it blows I got no promises But you gotta know I'm trying I'm trying I got a girl now A reason to face each great goddamn Ain't gonna leave her No I know something good when it's in my hands I got a girl now And she says I'm a good man And I believe her, I believe her, I believe her I know I am
10.
I can't recall how I got next to you When I woke on the carpet on Sunday Afternoon And I walked in the kitchen and you were wearing that dress And I knew I was going to see you again Some end in a breakup, some end in regret Some end when they don't call you, and some end in death But I'm not quite concerned now with how this might end Cause I know that I'm going to see you again And the sun was in your eyes Still you looked into mine And before we both turned our heads Yeah I knew I was going to see you again I can't recall how I got next to you As the wind shook the shutters on Sunday Afternoon And we talked, yeah we talked, don't matter how much we said Cause I know that I'm going to see you again And the sun was in your eyes Still you looked into mine And before we both turned our heads Yeah I knew I was going to see you again Oh I knew I was going to see you again Oh I know that I'm going to see you Again
11.
IKTYDWTBMG 02:08
Well I was out at the room last Thursday night In the dim dark barroom light singing along to Jackson Five When who should I see dancing next to me but the girl I met on Monday night, who I called up but she didn't reply And I said, I know that you don't want to be my girl Yeah I don't need to be told There's things you can't control And I know that you don't want to be my girl But I'm gonna call you anyway Sha La Da La La Da La And she said wait hey Dave, who I met the other day What are you doing in this Place? And I just gave her a blank face, and turned and walked away, left without a trace, I want her worse now, funny how that works now And I said, I know that you don't want to be my girl Yeah I don't need to be told There's things you can't control And I know that you don't want to be my girl But I'm gonna call you anyway Sha La Da La La Da La Next time you see me, If you think you want me You better kiss me the way I know you missed me And you better remind me the way I know you like me And you better touch me so I know you're thinking of me Cause I'm so insecure, you gotta make me sure! And I know that you don't want to be my girl Yeah I know that you don't want to be my girl Yeah I know that you don't want to be my girl, be my girl Sha La Da La La Da La
12.
It was the first time you saw me angry The cold Brooklyn night, broken glass on the snow And in the wind on the street, I set down my guitar I got this feeling, like when they call you son So I'm headed back to the place I'm from They called me out here just to say to me You don't make enough money, you're not worth the time Some people don't take responsibility for shifting other people's lives They say I'm finished, but I'm not done I'm just headed back to the place I'm from And I drove hard through the snow and the heat I held my ground on the edge of defeat And all those eyes as they'd tear into me The subway ride as I'd slide underneath All those kids sacrificing their souls For the myth of Rock & Roll And money and fame and those who crumble for those things They'll only leave you They'll only leave I think if you're gracious and you work hard If you're kind to other people and got something to say Then you can make a living but it might not be much So you gotta love it, and I won't be stunned If it takes you back to the place you're from If it takes you back to the place you're from

credits

released December 13, 2011

Dave Smallen - Vocals, Background Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Piano, Organ, Synth, Mellotron, Toy Piano, Harmonica
Evan Evans - Bass
Noah Clark - Drums & Percussion
Mike Knox - Electric Guitar, Arrangement
Max Bernstein - Electric Guitar, Lap Steel
Elliot Glass - Electric Guitar
Kaleena Goldsworthy - Vocals, Piano
Leslie Stevens - Vocals
Natalie Ryan - Vocals
Shawn Harris - Vocals
Vanessa Harris - Vocals
Arjun Singh - Percussion

Written and Produced by Dave Smallen
Mixed by Robert Cheek
Mastered by Hans Dekline
Engineered by Robert Cheek, James Leste, Elliot Glass, Max Bernstein, Jim Goldsworthy, Dave Smallen
Recorded at The Hangar in Sacramento CA, James’ space in Oakland CA, Dave’s House in Los Angeles, Elliot’s place in Los Angeles, Max’s place in Los Angeles, The Hollow in Syracuse NY, My parent’s house in Oakland CA

This album was paid for by a successful crowdfunding campaign, check it out here: www.indiegogo.com/dave-smallen-happiness

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